The Onion has some pretty hilarious and great profiles of the two main candidates. Snippets and links below:
Barak Obama
Odds Of Pop-Locking During Inauguration: 1 in 12
Key Issues: Abortion: Did some crazy shit in the '80's, not going to lie.
Difficulty Catching A Cab: Moderate
John McCain
Thoughts On Torture: Doesn't support stuff he couldn't handle
Key Issues: Climate Change: Is against any kind of change at all.
Where He'd Be If Not Running For President: Dead
Check out their profiles (along with all of the "third party" candidates, as well as former potential candidates) here.
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