:::edit::: just for posterity's sake...
SCENE V: Will's Apartment
(WILL and GRACE are home.)
GRACE: Uh... So, listen, I need a check.
WILL: What for?
GRACE: Judy Green. She's running for city council, and I think we should support her.
WILL: But we're backing Ted Bowers.
GRACE: Well, I found out a few things about him that makes me think I should support the other candidate.
WILL: Like what?
GRACE: Like he's running against a woman.
WILL: So? Who is she? What do we know about her?
GRACE: She's a woman.
WILL: And?
GRACE: And she's Jewish.
WILL: And?
GRACE: And she's a woman.
WILL: So what? What are her positions?
GRACE: I don't know. She's Jewish. She probably just lays there. Come on. Write the check!
WILL: I am not gonna write you a check. That would just cancel out the check you wrote me.
GRACE: I know. That's why I've already stopped payment on mine. Now, come on. Make it payable to "Judy Green for City Council."
WILL: All right. Is a zillion dollars enough?
GRACE: Come on! Women need a voice on the city council. I mean, 50% of the population is women.
WILL: So, one could argue that 80% of the population is gay. [BEAT] They just don't know it yet. Anyway, this is not about statistics. This is about who has the better candidate.
GRACE: Well, what makes you think that you have the better candidate?
WILL: Grace, he's gay.
GRACE: Well, mine's a woman and Jewish. That makes two victims to your one.
WILL: Since when are you so Jewish anyway? You're about as Jewish as Melanie Griffith in A Stranger Among Us.
GRACE: Well, you're about as gay as Tom Sellick in In and Out.
WILL: I am plenty gay.
GRACE: When was the last time you had same-sex sex?
WILL: I'm choosy!
GRACE: Ha! You're straight! Go watch a basketball game!
WILL: Yeah? Well, you're barely a woman. You pee standing up!
GRACE: Hey! There are a lot of diseases you can get from a toilet seat!
WILL: Our own?! [POINTING TOWARDS THE BATHROOM.]
GRACE: Well, I never thought that I would hear this from you! You hate women!
WILL: Well, you hate gays!
[WILL AND GRACE EXIT TO THE WRONG BEDROOMS, SLAMMING THE DOORS.]
[THE DOORS OPEN SUDDENLY AND THEY SWITCH ROOMS.]
WILL: My room.
GRACE: Whatever.
[THE DOORS SLAM.]
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